Life Lately: Take Me Deeper

“I have hopes. I have desires. If I’m honest, sometimes I hope God’s desires line up with my desires for my life, not the other way around.”

~She Reads Truth study on Daniel

 This Sunday at church our pastor shared the hard truth that you can’t have a resurrection without a death. This season of my life has been a cycle of something happening that wasn’t in my plan, I fight the new plan, I retreat into my bubble filled with doubt and fear, God reveals my hard heart, I try to excuse it, and finally I accept this new plan and embrace the goodness of it…REPEAT 1000X

I’m stubborn.

Aren’t we all to some extent? Don’t we all wish that the nice little plans we have designed with a pretty bow on top would actually be the outcome of our lives?

Life lately has been filled with twists and turns that I never saw coming. I often feel like I’m barely holding on to this life of mine as the changes are giving me whiplash. But isn’t it when life is at it’s hardest we find that we are closer to our Heavenly Father? It’s in the question marks of life we sense our need for Jesus and His relentless love.

A popular worship song these days is Oceans by Hilsong. I’ve even blogged about it here. It was a few weeks ago at church we were singing it and I realized that I had been praying that my life would take me here to this place, so that I would trust Him.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.

Let me walk upon the waters where ever you would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.

And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

 I cried out to my Abba Father to lead me to a place where my trust is without borders and to take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. He answered my prayer! He IS bringing me into a deeper relationship with Him. He is revealing to me the places of my heart that still need to be renewed and redeemed. His love is so deep and wide for me that He won’t let me sit in my sin of control & comfort. He wants something greater for me and for YOU!

I am still in the midst of learning this lesson and I fail daily in believing that God’s plan is good, but my prayer is that each day I will lay down my worries and fears of what the next season holds at the foot of the Cross.

I had a sweet phone conversation with a friend last week about what I’m learning and walking through, she graciously reminded me that not only is God in the details of working everything out for His glory, but He also wrote this story of mine before the creation of time. He is not only IN my story, but He IS the story.

Sisters, if you are walking through a season where life doesn’t make sense or things aren’t working out the way you planned, know you aren’t alone. I am right there with you, along with plenty of other women. Also, know that God is in this WITH you. He is for you and He is working everything out so that He receives the most glory and we can point to Jesus and say “Wow, that was hard, but God was so good to me in that. I had no idea that He was going to do THAT with my life!”

I’m not sure how God is working out my season for His good yet, but I do know that He is and I can rest in His plans and cling to His promises as I get a front row seat on all the great things He is doing in my life and in yours. 

I’m linking up with Blair at Wild & Precious for her Life Lately link-up.

 

Hold on to that Tree

Hold on to that Tree. It’s a phrase my one of my dear friends and I say, text, email to one another when we are growing weary in our adoption journeys.

A few months ago I read this post on Ann Voskamp’s blog, written by Jennifer Duke Lee (please take the 5-10 minutes to read). Her words stirred a deep truth in me that I needed to remember, one that you need to remember too.

Whether you are in the midst of waiting to bring home your precious child or you’re in the throws of attachment and bonding or maybe you’re only praying about adoption, we all need to remember that clinging to Jesus is the only way we can walk this path that is filled with many joys, but also many heartaches.

“When trouble comes – and trouble will come — when the river through your life swells and rages; or when the creek-bed cracks dry; when the storm marches across the sky, or maybe straight across your heart; you will be scared.

And it might feel cold. You might be tempted to grab for a sorry substitute, begging for the false hope of a rope.

But friend, you are strong. Hang on to the Tree that is even stronger. Hold tight to the tree that has already redeemed you, the tree that bore every ache you could fathom, the tree onto which every sin was nailed.

Hold on to the tree that held your Savior.”

 

So, this Friday as you close down your notifications on your email one more time or as you gear up for another weekend of what could be heart-wrenching work to break down the walls our little ones have built up for protection, remember that we have a Savior that has already bore every pain and He knows our tears.

 

Run to Him and never let go of our Tree. He is gracious and faithful to provide all the strength and patience that we will ever need.

 

Hold on to that Tree, sister.

 

{You’ll find this post over at Mercy Found Ministries as well. It’s a place for families on the adoption journey to find encouragement as they continue to trust God in the process.}

a lesson from Sarah {of the Bible}

If we were having coffee today, I’d lean in and tell you something that has become my lifeline as of late…

God is faithful.

I have been a follower of the She Reads Truth online devotional community for almost a year. I’ve shared what I’ve learned a few times here and here. Normally, I’ve been able to stay up to date on their plans and follow along with, but this round I started very late in the game. I started theWomen of the Bible plan right before the weekend hit.

The story of Sarai/Sarah has been one that I’ve taken interest in since I was little because we shared a name, but what I didn’t realize until this weekend was that was also shared the same fears and doubts.

For those of you who don’t know that story you can read it here: Genesis 15:1-6, Genesis 16, Genesis 17:15-16, Genesis 18:1-21, Genesis 21:1-7.

Sarah was a woman who had been given a promise from God (along with her husband Abraham) that He would bless her with children. There was a hitch in this promise for Sarah.

You see, she was OLD.

Not old like 45 and maybe she could still get pregnant with modern day intervention, but Sarah was in her 80’s. Women at that age just don’t have children. But Sarah held on to the hope that God was faithful. She probably became very excited when Abraham told her the news that they would have a child. She more than likely started preparing her home for a little one and began to dream what her child would be like. But then days turned into months and months turned into years…no baby.

She started to doubt God’s promise to her. Instead of trusting in God’s faithfulness, she chose to make things happen. She decided that if God wasn’t going to open her womb, she would order her servant to conceive a child for her with her husband (talk about dramatic!). Sarah took the plans God had for her and made them into her plans. Her decision to move outside of God’s promise did not bring satisfaction; it brought her more bitterness and a deeper desire to control.

Sarah’s excitement for what God had promised turned into restlessness, which catapulted into sin through her own fears and doubt.

Oh, how I see myself in her.

God’s call to adopt was as strong as any call I’ve had on my life. 8 months ago I was excited and expectant! I knew that God was going to move and do great things in our lives.

And then it got hard. Oh did it get hard.

I started to doubt and fear that maybe God wasn’t as big as who He said He was in the Bible. Or maybe He was, but did He really care enough about us? I began looking for answers in all of the adoption Facebook groups, thinking that if I just knew more about our process or if I could just control one aspect of our adoption…all of this fear would go away. I began to trust the process more than the one who holds the process in His hands.

This part of Sarah’s story ends after 14 years of waiting. She gave birth to Isaac at the age of around 90. Isaac, the promised child, was the father of Jacob, renamed Israel, and the nation of Israel was birthed. God had an intricate plan for this child and family!

And God was faithful to Sarah. During those 14 years, Sarah fell many times to her own fear and doubts, but God never waivered in His promise. He continued to pursue her and remind her of His goodness. God was with her in the wait.

I have a choice and so do you. We can lean into God when the waiting gets hard and experience a deeper relationship with our Heavenly Father, or we can go off on our own and try to find our answers in the idols of our heart. I can promise you, those idols will fail us even if they look pretty and helpful. Friends, let’s lean into the God who never waivers.

The God who does not change and keeps His promises (Num. 23:19).

Today, lets believe that our God has a plan for us and rest in the truth that He is making all things work together for our good (Rom. 8:28).