Five Minute Friday: In Between

These little shoes have little feet to fill them.  Those little feet are on the other side of the world, where my heart is.

We are living in the in between of not being parents and being parents. Every morning I wake up and wonder what our daughters had for lunch and if they are laughing and playing with their foster mom. Every night I pray that they are sleeping with full bellies and healthy bodies. Knowing who my daughters are, but not being able to care for them is just plain hard.

The in between stage for the majority women is a well defined 9 months. When people ask us how long we will wait, I go into a rehearsed speech of why it could be 7 months or why it will more than likely take at least a year for them to be in our arms and then explain that there is always the chance it may never happen. Every time my heart hurts when I speak those words.  I do not do well in the in between stages of life.

It’s here in the in between that I have found a deeper need, no a desperate need, to hold on to the One who holds time in His hands. He is the Only One who will be able to hold me in this season of longing for our daughters, to having in our arms and have our hearts filled with their presence. He is who I cry out to every morning, afternoon, and evening to be near our babies and to be near me.

I have found something special here. My loving heavenly Father is nearer now than ever.

In my in between.

Today I linked up again with Lisa-Jo Baker & her Five Minute Friday community. Every Friday a one word writing prompt is given and for five minutes you share your heart on what that word means to you.

Did you read my post where I shared my heart on the loss of our first referral? You can check it out here.

Advertisements

Thank You, Mom

Ann Voskamp wrote a post earlier this week about how mother’s day is for the birds. I love how she described motherhood:

“Motherhood isn’t sainthood and we’re all a bunch of sinners here and don’t let anyone tell you any different — pushing something out of your womb doesn’t make you a better woman. Real Womanhood isn’t a function of becoming a great mother, but of being loved by your Great Father. Someone write that on a card with a bouquet of flowers. We all need that.”

Isn’t that true? It doesn’t matter what our title is or whether or not we are mothers, the only way that we can truly thrive & survive this life is through the great love of our Heavenly Father. My mom displayed  this picture of real womanhood to me. It’s not by your title of “Mom”, “Wife”, or “Worker”-it’s who we are in Christ.

28 years ago, my mom celebrated her first mother’s day with a tiny babe in her arms (me) and I’m sure she was overwhelmed by the thought of caring for this tiny little person. The thoughts and dreams of what I was going to be like and how were my dad and her going to parent this child and the question of whether they would ever sleep again ran through their minds often, I’m sure.

Today, I look to next year with hope that our daughters* will be home with us and we can share in those feelings of fear, excitement, and newness.  I also look back to when I was a child and how mom cared for me. I remember cookies baking, trips to the park, bike rides, Sunday afternoon car rides, sleeping at volleyball practice, countless books read by her, kisses goodnight, and back rubs when I couldn’t sleep. I remember mom teaching me how to sew in 7th grade. I remember her at every single volleyball game, basketball game, track meet, play, speech performance, band performance and countless other activities I was in (sorry for being so busy mom…). I remember hugging her good-bye as they left me in my college dorm room. I remember telling her about Jason and how I thought that he was the “one” and how she said that she thought so too.

As motherhood draws near for me I have been thinking more about my mom’s role in my life.Without her even knowing she has taught me that to be a mom is to daily practice the sacrifice of your wants and desires for the sake of your child. A child will never say “good job mom!” or “thanks for wiping my bottom”. Daily a mom’s job is to comfort, feed, teach, forgive, and serve…always serving. It can be decades into the job before you hear a “thanks mom for all you did”.

My mom taught me to live with the end in mind. She knew that the importance of investing the time, the prayer, and the never-ending discipline (also known as teaching your oldest daughter that you show love to your sisters though hugging, not hitting). Both my parents prayed that those countless hours of sacrificial love would pay off in dividends when we left home.

Train up a child in the way he should go; Even when he is old he will not depart from it Prov. 22:6

Mom-I hope you know that I have grown into the woman I am today because of your sacrifice, your blood, sweat and tears and because you lived with the end in mind. Thank you for showing me how to be a mom, more than that-thank you for showing me that real womanhood is being loved by my Heavenly Father.

Now we’re all here…ready to cause trouble!

All grown up…time sure does fly by

*hopefully more to share on that subject soon 🙂

To All My Mighty Mommy Friends

This is a video from one of my favorite bloggers. She wrote a post here to encourage mothers and a company made it a video. For those mommy’s who struggle on Mondays…here is your pep talk 🙂