I’m a dreamer. Not the visionary-type of dreamer, mind you. I’m a vivid night dreamer. My husband has declared the drive to work “Story time with Sarah” because I often spend the first 10-15 minutes sharing the previous night’s dreams to him (he doesn’t find them as intriguing as I do, but he listens…good man). My dreams are usually far-fetched stories that include bits and pieces of my days or something that we watched on TV the night before.
(I have a lot of Sydney Bristow (Alias) & Olivia Dunham (Fringe) dream-type dreams. Which often lead to interesting conversations as we drive to work!)
But, a few months ago I had a dream that has embedded itself into my mind’s eye and I hope it never leaves.
(Disclaimer: the dream is not how the reality is in our adoption process…that would be weird)
In this dream, my husband and I were headed to a hospital in the states to meet our children for the first time. We were walking through customs on a hospital floor feeling very nervous but excited to meet our children for the first time. We were then taken to a room filled with children and someone introduced us to our older daughter! She was beautiful, healthy, and happy playing with her friends and toys. We were then escorted to another room to meet our other child. As we entered the room, a nurse explained to us that our son was very ill. I went to him and saw his tiny, frail body and swooped him up. The nurse continued to tell us that he probably wasn’t going to make it and we should consider staying with him for as long as we can in the hospital.
In the dream, we weren’t supposed to take our children home yet; we could just visit with them for a short time. I pleaded with the nurse to let us take home our son for the remainder of his short life. As the nurse left to discuss with her directors, I held our son in my arms on a hospital bed. I told him how much I loved him and how wonderful he was and how I was going to do everything I could to make him feel better. He looked straight into my eyes and said “Mommy, I love you. All I want you to do is hold me until I die.”
And then I woke up in tears…
I also woke up with the pressing words of God on my heart…”I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you.” God clearly spoke to my heart that there are countless orphans around the world battling illnesses who just want someone to call Mommy and hold them in their most desperate moments. I was and still am overwhelmed.
What do I do with this dream? How do I act upon it? How can I hold those little boys and girls who are sick while I am thousands of miles away? How do I care for children who may not be sick, but their chances of adoption or family are slim to none?
I still don’t know what to do with this dream and with this heart desire. We sponsor two children through Amazima and Compassion. We are adopting. We give to friends who go to orphanages. We try to raise awareness. We pray.
But still I feel like I can do more and I want to do more. I want to go to the broken places. I want to hold the children, care for the sick, and tell them about the love of Jesus. I want to build relationships with orphanages and help them provide medicine, love, and staff.
I guess you could say that I am a visionary dreamer too…