I’m No Good at Resting

May is hours from being over and I’m army crawling across the finish line. I’ve been pretty silent here this month. It’s been hard to put two words together, much less 500 words (other than the 9 page cultural essay that I just mailed off to my adoption agency). My creativity juices were/are low and I was too tired and a little vulnerable to put myself out there this month.

There were many good things that happened this month. I went home for my brother’s graduation. We received the approval letter from USCIS that we had been waiting for so that we could officially announce our referral. We were able to pay for a third of our referral payment and we received new pictures of our beautiful baby girls!

All in that though, I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water emotionally. The day in and day out of the adoption process has been wearing on me (which means it’s been exhausting for my sweet husband too). I’ve found myself believing lies that I once struggled with, but thought I had overcome. I became overwhelmed with anxiety about whether or not we would be able to bring home our little girls. You see, these girls are our third referral. We lost two referrals (4 kids in total) in the months of February and April. I thought I had overcome the worry of losing* this referral as well, but when another hiccup (actually a rumor of a hiccup) surfaced, I was all kinds of crazy.

The truth is that my life isn’t about me. It’s not about what I deserve and how I think my life should play out. I’ve been so RICHLY blessed and I didn’t deserve any of it. God knows every detail of my life. Past. Present. Future.

He knows every detail of the children that He will place in our family. All He calls me to do is to walk obediently with him and to rest in His everlasting love.

I’m not good at resting. It’s become even more evident that I’m not good at it now that I stay home and supposedly have more time to rest. I’m starting to think that through this season, God is revealing something deeper about my drive to always be moving. When our baby girls come home, they will need a momma who is fully resting on the strength of the Lord and fully satisfied in Him so that they can grieve and transition and grow in our home.

refresh book

In a few hours Jason and I are headed away for a weekend of refreshment and connecting. We are both feeling frayed and a bit beat down. So when I heard that Jessi Connolly & Haley Morgan, the co-founders of the Influence Network, were releasing their book called ReFresh today, I snagged that thing like it was going out of style. I’ll be reading this book while we are sitting by the pool tomorrow…and then I will probably read it about 10 more times as I begin the process once again of finding my satisfaction in Jesus and not in all that I can do for myself, my husband, and others.

If you feel like you’ve lost yourself a little and are just plain, old tired, pick up this ebook. It’s $4.99 and I’m sure it will be worth every dollar. And they didn’t ask me to do this, I’m just telling you about it because I have come to love these ladies’ hearts and I know that they desire to encourage and equip all of us ladies to be women who walk in peace and fullness in Jesus.

 

*side-note: when I say losing, I mean that we weren’t able to pursue them for adoption anymore…not a death

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Encouraging Links to Start Your Week

 

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This morning I’m thinking back on the belated honeymoon that Jason and I went on one year ago today. Our days spent on Rarotonga Island were some of the most refreshing days I’ve had in years. Today I’m longing for a little bit of that refreshment.

I’ve included some of my favorite blog articles that have encouraged me the past few weeks. Enjoy these over an afternoon cup of coffee…

12 Things Your Daughter Needs You to Say  by Emily Freeman at Chatting at the Sky. I don’t have daughters yet, but this was just what I needed to hear for myself.

And another from Emily Freeman…because I’ve fallen in love with her writing One Thing You Daughter Doesn’t Need You to Say

Around the World by Tsh Oxenreider over at Simple Mom. This would be so fun to do…I may put it on our bucket list.

The Life of a Possible Pirate by Melanie Shankle at Big Mama. She makes me literally laugh out loud (and maybe snort). You should check out her new book too. I’m hoping to have a book review on it soon.

It’s Ok to Not be Ok by Arienne at the (in)courage blog.

And if you want a summer reading list…Head over to Modern Mrs. Darcy to subscribe and get a list of hundreds of books you could read this summer!

That’s all for today! I hope that you all enjoy a beautiful Memorial Day and spend some time thanking God for the men and women who defend and protect our country!

Refresh

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose trust is the Lord.

He is like a tree planted by water,

that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

for it does not cease to bear fruit.” 

(Jeremiah 17:7-8, ESV)

Today I need to sit by the stream of living water and sink my feet deep down into the murky water. I need a time of refreshing. A day to let the busyness of last month wash away and be drawn into the beauty of what this new season holds. 

We need to take time to be refreshed in the Lord. Refreshing brings clarity, creativity, and peace. Let’s pause our busy lives for a few minutes, quiet our hearts, sit at our Father’s feet and hear what He has to say to us. It may be just what you need for today.

refresh stream