I didn’t want to write a post today, but I had committed to blogging about Whole30 on Wednesday. And it’s Wednesday and we are 10 days into our Whole30 program. I would be lying if I said that this was easy. It’s been hard, but hard in ways I didn’t expect. Black coffee-no problem! No pastries-no biggie! Wine-eh a little harder! The rest of this post will speak into a little of our eating over the week, but mainly how God satisfied our souls in the midst of pain and struggle.
Last Tuesday (note-one day into our month-long challenge) I received a call from our agency regarding our adoption. I can’t go into details, but I can say that the bottom dropped out from underneath me. The plans that Jason and I were making about our future family came to a complete stop and changed course that day. I was broken. I was hurting and I was confused. I remember attempting to read the scripture passage from my #shereadstruth study for the day and fought God in the words that King David was saying. 1 Chronicles 16:34 “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!” It was hard to believe those words for my life at that moment because I didn’t see the good in what had happened.
But I knew that in God’s sovereignty, He had given me that text for that very day to remind me that His love endures and that He is always good, even so my heart struggled to believe it. But I knew that the only One who could handle my devastation and brokenness was my Abba Father. He was near and He did care. I knew that going to my crutches of food and tv were not going to heal my heart. So I spent all day crying out to Him, the one who “puts my tears in His bottle (psalm 56)”. The next day I sent out an email to our friends and family who knew our situation and asked them to pray for healing, for understanding and for just plain, old energy to organize and run the massive rummage sale we were having on Saturday.
Thursday morning we both woke up with a peace that passed any of our own understanding. We knew that God was using the prayers of our community to hold us together. We were still bone-tired and hurting, but we had hope. We had hope that God would use what happened in our adoption story for His glory and for our good. God began to gently turn my face towards His grace and mercy and reminded me that He did not leave me alone in this and that He was not surprised. My prayer began to be that this hurdle would be a testimony of God’s faithfulness in our lives and that I would be quick to point to Jesus in our story.
The day of our rummage sale was a miracle day. God used that day to do a great work on my heart in showing me how Great of a God he is. We had so many friends come to our house at 6 am to help start moving the piles and piles of “stuff” in our house. (And they were all gracious towards me as I had a minor meltdown at 7 am! Thankfully that was my only one) By 7:30 we had buyers in the parking lot and for the next 9 hours we had a steady stream of people rummaging through our items. So many of our church friends came out to help and to donate. I realized even more that day how blessed Jason and I are to be a part of the Revolution church community.
What blew me away was the generosity of strangers! If their total came to be $5 they would give $10 or $20 extra! Some people didn’t want to buy anything but they gave us $20 anyway. Strangers were interested in our story and were encouraged by what God was doing in our lives. It’s hard for me to put into words how I felt that day and for the days after. We know that God moved mightily on Saturday because when we totaled up our sales, we had brought in over $3000! At church on Sunday a friend told me that could only be a God thing because people don’t make $3K at garage sales! I agreed.
The last few days have been a bit of a fog as I’m still tired from the sale and the clean up from the weekend. I was journaling this morning and began to think about all the things God has revealed to me about Himself in these past 10 days. These are my top Three:
1. Our God Satisfies… Nothing and No one could have met me in the pain that I experienced as intimately and uniquely as the comfort that Jesus gave me those first few days. His comfort and His love never ceases to fill my heart. Food only satisfies for a brief moment and then guilt comes. There is no guilt in the satisfaction of God.
2. Jesus dwells in my story. At church on Sunday, Josh laid out how Jesus entered into history to save us and to meet us where we are. He knew this would happen and He knows how my story will end. I can trust Him.
3. When trouble happens in life, you have to seek out community. If I would have kept what happened from our closest friends and family I think my heart would still be broken and the sin of bitterness would have crept in. By asking people to pray for us, it allowed others to intercede for us when we didn’t have the strength or the words.
I know this post is a little longer than normal, so thanks for hanging with me on this one! If you were wondering, we were able to eat on the Whole30 program the entire time with only one minor hiccup because of poor planning. God’s grace was sufficient.